The Strange Skills Of James Kirk
by stuntyrulz
Summary: Jim Kirk has some Strange Skills; that have some... interesting origins. From Acrobatics to Yachting, Jim Kirk has done it and is probably very good at it. A Collection of one-shots where The crew discover that their Captain is not just a pretty face. Set post STID. rated T because the the crew can't be polite.
1. Chapter 1

Knife throwing.

It was the usual thing: Beam down to a planet, try negations, fuck them up, end up running for your life being chased by some strange alien, that was nearly always, faster or stronger, after every fucking 'security' officer had been killed; leaving them on their own.  
So it really wasn't surprising that McCoy was currently curing the existence that was James. while thanking the gods that Jim forced him to go to the gym with him. He was doing all of this while running in front of Jim, while desperately trying to contact the ship for a beam out. So far to no avail. he shoved his communicator back onto his belt and drew out his phaser. He hated using it, but needs must.  
So, while doing this, he hadn't noticed that Jim was no longer following him, however the tall, lanky aliens were. They were howling and screeching in what, in McCoy's opinion, their horrible language, probably about how they were going to kill they ever made it back to the Enterprise, he was going to heal Jim of whatever injuries he was bound to sustain, then murder him. Definitely with a hypospray. Hopefully more than one.  
He was still debating this as he came to a clearing, it was quite large and ringed by purple shrubs that were over-towered by pink trees. Their boughs were annoying smooth and tall, meaning that route of escape/hiding was out.  
"Jim, what the fuck do you think we should do now?" McCoy wold deny it until the end of time, but he was scared, and that was seeping through into his voice. He waited for the a response, then noticed the lack of panting behind him.  
"Jim?" He questioned, but the captain was nowhere to be seen.  
"Damn it, Jim, where the fuck are you?" He continued, looking around desperately as he spotted the aliens approaching, deciding his best friend was probably okay, and valuing his life, he dashed on through the clearing.  
When he reached the other side, he realised that there was no further to go. The edge of the clearing had been hidden by the shrubs and trees, sharply descended into a cliff and down into a canyon. He was stuck.  
He turned slowly, drawing his phaser, a trick Jim had showed him. They crowded around him, pointing their long knives at him. He was royally screwed. If he died so hoped Jim would be there in the afterlife, just to kill him again.  
The aliens had said nothing to him and appeared to be observing what he would do. He had no chance against them with one phaser and was hoping that they may not see him as a threat and leave him the fuck alone, to go back to ship and drink. A lot.  
The aliens had picked up something else as they were turning toward the entrance of the clearing. McCoy couldn't spot anything, but hoped it would distract them long enough for him the run away.  
It was in this moment, that he spotted him. Jim was standing at the edge of the clearing, his shirt was gone, showing off an impressive set of abs and another impressive sets of cuts. He had also lost his phaser and communicator. McCoy was wondering what exactly had happened in between the senate and this clearing. It was at this point he also noticed a set of knives, that looked a lot like the ones that the aliens carried, only shorter.  
What the hell was he going to do? He was too far away to throw them, and Jim didn't look like he was coming any closer. Probably a good idea, these aliens were fucking scary up close. He stood still as The aliens and Jim had a stand off.  
Then it happened. Jim shifted just slightly, and the alines took that as a threat and started upon him. McCoy didn't have time to warn him as Jim picked up two knives; and threw them, a good thirty meters, right into each ones chest. His aim was perfect and the two fell like trees axed in a forest. The rest continued and McCoy was shocked as Jim picked up another three knives, and they ended up in exactly the same place as the first two.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Drawing

Scotty actually found out about this one by accident and had told most of the crew. They had been docked on Earth for repairs and shore leave. Most of the crew had gone off travelling or to visit family; however Scotty had stayed behind to oversee the work done on his lady.

He had been reporting all the upgrades back to Starfleet Command, so was quite perplexed as to why he had been called into Admiral Archer's office at eight in the morning; he hadn't even had breakfast yet. It was probably something to do with the not-quite-regulation-but-Jim-was-a-fecking-awesome -captain-and-had-allowed-it-upgrade he had done to the warp core. It wasn't exactly dangerous and it had worked. Scotty just suspected that the admiral was still annoyed about that beagle.

So, there he was sitting outside the office, in his pristine uniform, when he finally got called in. As he wandered across the threshold into the office, wondering if he would make it back out again, he noticed a rather large difference from when he was last here. The corner office still had large floor to ceiling windows and all the models of previous starships as well as another beagle sleeping in the corner.

However, behind the desk on the wall, was a magnificent hand-draw picture of the very first space faring Enterprise, NX-01. Which Archer had captained for ten years. Said picture made the ship look sleek and elegant and it was suspended among the stars. The pencil strokes were careful but confident, the sort of person who is a hundread percent sure of themselves, and their abilities. Whoever had drawn it must be some famous artist, although he could not work out whose style it was (his knowledge of art was very limited). He wondered if they could get one of his Enterprise done and hang it in his office, it would certainly make an impression, he thought.

It was at this point that he worked out he had been standing in the doorway for a full five minutes, gawking at the picture. He quickly made his way over to the desk and saluted, hoping he wasn't going to be chucked out of Starfleet, Archer still didn't like him.

Thankfully the admiral looked amused at Scotty's reaction to the picture, he had a smirk on his face as he held another beagle in his lap. He stood up, putting the beagle on the floor and made his way over to the book shelf, probably to get a drink; when he had gotten a whiskey, he sat back down and looked at Scotty.

"I see you have seen the newest addition to my office, don't worry, it had that effect on everyone" The admiral said breezily.

"Aye, sir" Scotty replied "May I ask who did that fine picture, I'd like him to do one of mae Enterprise" He continued

Archer took a moment to think before continuing "As much as I'd like to beat it into the artists thick skull that he really should do more drawing and tell everyone who he is, I am under oath not to" He said in reply to the question "And anyway-" he continued, "you wouldn't believe me if I told you"

Scotty was confused at this point. Who on Earth would hide such a talent, he made a vow to try and see the signature in the corner before he left. In the meantime he decided to get on with why he was here in the first place.

An hour later, Scotty was relieved at the news. Archer had told him he would be allowed to keep the upgrade, but only if he sent the schematics to Starfleet, for use on all their ships. Overall it went pretty well, the missing beagle hadn't even been brought up.

More importantly, he has found out the initials of that artist 'JTK'. This just made him more confused as there was only one person he knew, who had those initials and he couldn't possibly be an artist as well as an excellent captain. He vowed to ask Jim when he returned, apparently he was rock climbing in Austrailia at the moment.

So the weeks passed as Scotty continued work on the ship and made all the necessary upgrades and repairs , while training the new batch of ensigns, fresh out of the academy. He was glad they were docked, or the ship would be blown into smithereens by now. Nevertheless, he never forgot about the picture or the inititals.

Turned out he didn't need to ask, as his suspicions had been confirmed for him. Walking back into his office after a mandatory weekend holiday, he pulled up short of his goal of the desk. There hanging off the wall, was a beautiful picture of the Enterprise, exactly like the one in Archer's office. A small note was attached to the frame which read 'heard you wanted one of these, I got bored climbing anyway'. Happy at finally finding out who the artist was and getting his picture, he went to go find Jim and thank him.

He bumped into the captain, exiting the turbolift and ran right into him. Lying in a sprawled heap on the floor, they quickly detangled themselves and stood up.

Jim spoke first "Hey, Scotty, have a good time with my ship?"

"Yeah, I was just coming to find ya actually. I wanted to thank you for the picture, dinnae know yae was an artist lad." Scotty said as he straightened his uniform.

"Oh so you got it alright? Yeah I gave Archer the one I did last shore leave. I spent some time in an art school when I was younger, I left because they were all pompous arseholes" He said casually.

And with that he walked off down the corridor to his quarters, leaving Scotty shocked at yet another revelation about his friend. What else was he hiding?

A/N That didn't take as long as the other one. I had the laptop so I could paragraph it better as well.

Suggestion for the next chapter greatly appreciated! As well as reviews


	3. Chapter 3

Languages:

It took a while for the senior command crew to all find out about the extent of their Captain's language skills. It all started in the mess hall one morning…

It was a pretty normal morning in the mess hall. McCoy was grumbling that Jim never ate enough; Jim just ignored him without looking up from his PADD as he took a sip from his coffee. Sitting next to it was a abandoned plate of toast that had long gone cold.

Scotty had stood up and grabbed the toast before leaving the mess hall for engineering; he still didn't trust his staff not to cause a massive catastrophe while he was gone. He left quickly munching on Jim's toast; ignoring the scowl that McCoy gave him.

Uhurha and Spock tended to have their breakfast early, so they weren't really part of the morning routine. The others valued sleep and were always some of the last there.

Sulu and Chekov were sitting opposite each other and talking quietly in Russian. Since they had got together they had both learnt their respective languages. They were pretty certain they could say what they wanted since no one knew the language.

_'So did you hear about what happened last shore leave?' _Said Sulu in Russian

_'No, what?" _Chekov replied

_'Apparently the Captain slept with that Deltan ambassadors daughter and that's why we got the trade deal with them. They spent the night at their house' _Sulu said

_'No way, he would not do that, how did you find out?'_

_'Lt. James told me, said he heard it from one of the nurses in sickbay'_

They were interrupted by a voice at the other end of the table

_'Chekov is right, I did not sleep with her, I did however spend the night, her father was kind enough to lend me a room after telling them stories from my time in Starfleet' _Jim said in perfect accent still looking at his PADD. Sulu and Chekov were stunned as he gave them a quick smile, got up and left the mess hall with McCoy trailing behind him.

Spock was the next to find out during a meet and greet with some Vulcan ambassadors they were shipping to Earth.

He and Jim had gone to the transporter room to greet them personally and show them to their quarters. When the Vulcans had materialized on the transporter pad, he and Jim had offered them the traditional greeting.

They had immediately started talking to Jim in Vulcan, Spock was curious as to why they did not use standard; Jim did not know the Vulcan language.

He was about to start translating what they had said when Jim beat him to it. He replied to their questions in their language while guiding them from the transporter room and through the ship to their quarters.

Spock was no closer to an answer when they finally reached the temporary lodgings for the Vulcans, as Jim went to leave, Spock tried to go after his Captain but was held back by one of the Ambassadors talking to him. By the time he finally go out, the Captain was long gone and the mystery still there.

Scotty had found out on a botched away mission that had landed both him and Jim in a cell on Andorria being sold on the black market. Scotty had no idea what was being said as he had no concept of the language being spoken. Jim however was listening to their conversation with interest and an obvious understanding of what was being said.

"Right the good news is that they have no idea who we really are. The bad news is that we are being sold tomorrow and I don't think the crew have any idea where we are" Jim broke the silence with the news.

"Aye, right then so we have a day to escape? We better get to work" Scotty was amazed at the continuing skills that his Captain showed.

So a few hours later after some amazing hacking and general bad-assery from both Starfleet officers, they managed to get back to their ship. It had been searching on the wrong planet for the past week until the _Entity _had met up with them to give them back their captain and engineer.

Uhura had found out during the academy when she walked into the xenolinguistics club, to find Jim sitting there chatting to an orion in his language. She had been pretty sceptical of his skills until she found out he had a knowledge to rival her own.

From what she could tell he was fluent in most of the standard federation languages. Vulcan, Orion, Deltan, Risan, Klingon, Romulan, Cardassian as well as many terran ones. So far she knew French, Spanish, German, Russian, Mandarin, Japanese, Swahili and Italian.

When she had asked him how he picked them all up, he had simply stated that he had done a lot of 'travelling' when he was younger and had picked them up then. She had also vowed to keep it a secret from the rest of the crew, Jim didn't like flaunting his talents.

McCoy had pretty much known since the first time they went out to a bar and got plastered. They had both been past the point of feeling anything but happiness and elation. It had taken McCoy a moment to realise that Jim was no longer speaking in standard. He had pulled out his comm and recorded the slurred speech of his friend before promptly dragging the idiot out of the bar before he got punched.

It was the next morning that he had remembered about it, he was trying to get his headache to go away and regretting letting Jim take him out after their first week. He so did not want to get chucked out of the academy after only a week, he would track Jim down and murder him…. After he told him where he learnt all those languages he was damnn curious about it.

So, he made his way over to Jim's room on the other side of campus. He didn't bother knocking as he knew the idiot would already be up and about, probably studying something that he didn't actually need to know for a class. Moron.

Upon entering the room, McCoy noticed the subtle hints of someone well versed in language: The Andorrian novels, Vulcan poetry books and there was an Orion shopping channel on the TV. Jim was engrossed in a book when he noticed McCoy.

"Hey, Bones what's up? Good night last night. I think I might have started speaking Orion, I do that sometimes when I'm drunk" Jim seemed cheery for someone who should be feeling like death after last night.

"Yeah, you were speaking it, I got a nice recording for future blackmail material" Bones smirked back at him. "Where did you learn them anyway? I didn't think that sort of stuff is on the Iowa curriculum?"

"haha, no it isn't. When I was sixteen I could finally leave the godforsaken place. Starfleet had given me a heap of 'sorry we killed your dad' money, so I went all over the federation. I've always found it easy to pick up a new language and because I was young it was pretty easy to land a job. It was good time and I'm sure I can get Uhura into bed when she finds out" Jim explained to him.

He got a pillow in the face for the last comment.

Fin

A/N So that was chapter 3. I still need some suggestion for future chapters. Someone suggested wrestling and I can't help but imagine Chris Pine in really tight lycra shorts. Mmmmmmmm.


End file.
